this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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