Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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