fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
