What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
