And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
