so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
