Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
