The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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