Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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