I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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