If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
