her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
