so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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