Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize