made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
