i just wanna soil my oats bro
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
