True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
