I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
