hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
