so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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