As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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