Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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