I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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