the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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