dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize