He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
