How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
