I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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