One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
