Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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