I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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