Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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