I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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