i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
