no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
