Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
