Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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