1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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