I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
