I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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