mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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