I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
