Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
