he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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