Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
