I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
