saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
