Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
