I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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