I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
