I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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