I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.