Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?