I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.