I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.