So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?