1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him