The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.