**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We left the knife in your bed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.