Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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