First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
