Having a random hookup so left but love u
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
