whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
