I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
