1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
