OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
